From Deadlines to Headlines

From Deadlines to Headlines

I ripped this off of Fr. Erik Reichtsteig’s website, Orthometer.  Supposedly, these are the top headlines of 2007.  I know that these probably aren’t real; but they’re real funny. 

TOP HEADLINES OF 2007  

–Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says. (No, really?)
–Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers. (Now that’s taking things a bit far!)
–Miners Refuse to Work after Death. (No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-sos!)
–Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant. (See if that works any better than a fair trial!)
–War Dims Hope for Peace. (I can see where it might have that effect!)
–If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile. (Ya think?!)
–Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures. (Who would have thought!)
— London Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide. (They may be on to something!)
–Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges. (You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?!)
–Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge. (He probably IS the battery charge.)
–New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group. (Weren’t they fat enough?!)
–Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft. (That’s what he gets for eating those beans!)
–Kids Make Nutritious Snacks. (Do they taste like chicken?)
–Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half. (Chainsaw Massacre all over again!)
–Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors. (Boy, are they tall!)
–Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead 

(By the way, I have a book, Anguished English, that has the same kind of stuff in it.  It is SOOO funny; it actually kept me and my wife up at night laughing so hard that we had tears in our eyes.  There is a digital version available at Google Books; but if you want to borrow it, let me know.)

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